Dare You to Move
by Cattitude
Summary: A short songfic that explores the thoughts of Kaoru as she follows Kenshin to Kyoto.


My second attempt at a first person POV. I think it's worse than the last one because it doesn't seem to reflect Kaoru's emotions properly.

I own nothing, not even this storyline. This story is based off the beginnig of the Kyoto arc and involve scenes from manga volumes 8-10? (I can't remember the last volume.) The lyrics are from the song _I Dare You to Move_ by _Switchfoot_. I don't know the name of the CD this song is found on.

I'm sorry I haven't yet edited it.

-

The first memory I can recall is my mother's death. I remember watching my father cry as friends and family attempted to comfort him. Sometimes, when I'm depressed, I think it funny that my first memory continued to be a common theme in my life.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I remember everyone telling me how brave I was not to cry. They didn't seem to realize I was too young to understand such a concept as death.

I did cry a few days later, once I realized mother wasn't coming home from wherever she had gone. Father, with his gruff mannerisms, had no idea how to comfort a bawling girl. He was accustomed to sending me to my mother whenever I even hinted at tears. His solution was to force me to learn his sword technique. The theory was that I would then be too busy to cry.

I would have to say it worked to a degree. Father was a strict teacher, and I soon spent hours engrossed in my lessons.

Yet, I still cried in my room at night, where no one could see my weakness.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Of course, my father's death was more difficult for me to handle. People expected me to be as "brave" as I was when my mother died - as brave as I always pretended to be. I felt as if they were all watching me ... waiting for me to fail some unknown test. Very few offered help. I suppose that's why I attached my affections so quickly to Kenshin. I'll admit, I later saw that as a mistake. If I hadn't had Kenshin's support, I don't know if I would have survived the neighbor's whispers.

One might think I learned from that experience; that I would want to protect myself from other people's problems. No one seems to understand that when I care for others, I forget about the woes in my own life. I'm still human, who enjoys a mixture of joy and sobering disappointment.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I never told anyone, but for the first few weeks Kenshin lived with me, I was afraid he would do something similar to Kihei's betrayal. Not that I believed he would steal from me or hurt me. Instead, I was worried he would leave me. I know it seems silly to worry over the possible abscence of a stranger.

But Kenshin gave me such a feeling of security, I felt as if I had actually regained a bit of solid ground to stand on.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Just a few weeks after I thought life was turning peaceful again, the incident with Jin-e occured. I feel foolish that my life had to be in peril to affirm my faith in Kenshin. Even worse is that I even expected him to stay at all. I realize now how naive it was to presume such a powerful man would stay just to fulfill my emotional needs. Yet ... that is exactly what Kenshin did.

Perhaps he wasn't staying just for me. Maybe he just needed to rest. His reason didn't matter to me at the time. All I cared about was the fact that Kenshin had chosen to stay.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

My arrogance reached a new level when Okubo-san visited Kenshin to make his entreaty. A bitter war between embarrassment and anger still wages in me when I remember the strong words I spoke on that day. Who was I to assume I could speak for Kenshin when I was still barely beginning to learn about the man? What reason did I have to beleive that we were important enough - that _I _was important enough - for Kenshin to stay?

I had no answers for these questions, and no desire to find them. The constant image of the most important person turning his back to me had drained all of my energy. I couldn't care about anything.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As I continue to lie in bed, contemplating Megumi-san's words, I realize the truth. She is right, I am a coward. A selfish coward. I was too concerned with my own pain to consider Kenshin's feelings when he left. I hadn't thought about what would happen if _he _had been selfish and decided to stay. I even refused to acknowledge the love of my friends in their concern for me.

It took Megumi-san's scorn to wake me up. I don't like to admit it, but she loves Kenshin too. Perhaps, it was even a more mature love than what I had for him. Yet, she had the grace to mourn quietly as she continued to perform her duties. I must have looked every bit the foolish child she called me, in comparison.

I needed to see Kenshin again, if only for my own piece of mind.

First, however, I needed to apologize to Tae-san, so she would let me eat her soup. After all, I did need to regain my energy.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Butterflies fluttered madly in my stomach as I stand on the boat dock. Tsubame-chan and Tae-san had come to see us off. I assumed Megumi-san wouldn't come; it was probably for the best. I would be embarrassed to see her so soon, and we would probably end up arguing again.

"Don't lose the address for my sister that I gave you," Tae-san advised. "She'll be sure to have you during your stay in Kyoto."

Before I am able board the dingy that would take us out to the boat, a familiar flash of clothing caught my eye. Megumi-san watches me from a few feet away. I'm not positive - perhaps it is only the distance - but there seems to be a sense of longing in her dark eyes. "She really could come if she was able."

"What did you say?" Yahiko questioned my murmurings. "You better hurry, the boat won't wait for us!" he scolded.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Two days in Kyoto bore no sign of Kenshin. I knew finding him wouldn't be easy, but I thought ... I don't know what I thought. Certainly I wasn't expecting to feel so vulnerable. The city was so large, I could probably search for a month with no sign of Kenshin. For all I know, Kenshin hasn't even arrived yet. My mind had even briefly entertained the fear that he could be dead.

It was after this depressing thought that I met Misao-chan.

I wasn't sure, initially, what I should think of her. First, she was so quite, I thought she might be shy. Then she suddenly denied any involvment with Kenshin at the top of her voice. I suppose I didn't make a very good first impression either when I attacked her because I was mad at Kenshin. Finally, we were able to talk with each other rationally and my mind was finally put at rest concerning his whereabouts.

Unfortunately, my mind had yet to soothe itself over the action of actually meeting Kenshin. I doubted he would exactly be thrilled to discover I had followed him. He would probably start worrying about what might have happened to me during my trip.

Kenshin's worry, his stoicism, even his anger, I could handle. I had experienced all of these previous emotions from him. What plagued me was the possibility that he might shut me out again. Megumi's words had filled me with a tentative hope that Kenshin's goodbye was more than it appeared to be and that the trials we had endured weren't meaningless. I needed reassurance that our time together had been more than an entertaining distraction before he began his next peregrination.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I wonder if Kenshin realizes the effect he has on me. Yahiko and Misao's yelling has no effect on me and though I berate myself for behaving in such a stupid manner, my body still feels incapable of moving. It is difficult for me to even breath, soon I force myself to take a shallow breath before I pass out.

I fell a thrill as Kenshin continues to stare solely at me; as if there are no distractions in this country, let alone this one small room. The other man in the room proved us wrong, however, when he spoke to Kenshin. I did not listen quickly enough to understand what he said, but it broke our concentration, and I pulled into myself again. Once again, all I can concentrate on is my worry concerning Kenshin's view of me.

Is he mad that I followed him? Or is he pleased with the devotion I showed? Does he think I'm foolish? I bite my cheek in apprehension the first time he passes by me. However, when he leaves again - this time with his master- I find the courage within me to speak. Who knows how long it will be before I can see him again? This time, he may not say good-bye before he leaves.

I must know his feelings.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I worry, when his back continues to face me. He seems to have difficulty when his emotions are in turmoil. Perhaps it is because he feels most vulnerable then and worries what people will see if his Rurouni mask begins to slip. Often, I have wished he would give me the chance to find out for myself.

"Half of me is mad," he finally revealed. Once I hear those words leave his lips, I don't think I will ever breath again. " ... And," he continued, "the other half is kind of relieved." He never turned around. In fact, he continued in the opposite direction. Yet, I have to admit, I finally felt relieved as well. Kenshin didn't hate me, he cared about me. I don't know why I ever doubted him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Once again, I find myself watching Kenshin's back as he walks away from me. His earlier retreat comes back to haunt me and the fear of his abandonment returns. Though it isn't as strong as before, the fear still provokes me to ask him to return to Tokyo with me. He doesn't say anything, I don't suppose I really expected him to do so anyway. Instead, I take comfort in his smile and respond with one of my own.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

My relief when Kenshin returned earlier than I expected dissipated when I saw his limp form. I know it is unreasonable, yet, I feel a flash of anger at Sano for not carrying him. He looked more than half-dead, did Sano not care about his friend? Kenshin already looked so close to death, if he lost just a bit more blood, or if his wounds tore just a bit more ...

Finally I was able to reach him. He didn't respond at all to my voice, yet, despite this, I began to feel some hope. Seeing his chest move in the action of breath - harsh as it was - feeling the warmth of his body next to mine ...

Somehow, I knew we'd make it together.

-

Wow, I think that is the shortest one-shot I have ever written. :) Let me know what you think, please.

In accordance with Fanfiction . net's rules, I have removed the lyrics from this songfic.


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